Living in Japan, Outside the Matrix

The pictures are: 1) our family Christmas picture (on a red bridge at Odawara Castle), 2) our three girls, 3) Odawara Castle in the evening, and 4) a hand painted kite (see Men Flying Kites for more kite photos).

A few days ago I went to Wakayama, had some famous Wakayama ramen, tried to visit the nearby Onsen (closed for maintenance) and did some thinking. In between work, that is, or the other way around. I went there alone, leaving my wife and kids at her Jikka (hometown) -- near Odawara. Like I said, I watched a few videos, like The Ring -- in a dark room, alone in a strange house; not the best thinking. A couple of the videos dealt with the relationships between parents and their kids. So there I was alone, thinking about my family and our relationships, and thinking about "wasting time" in general. Then these two things hit me. First, in 20 years, I want to be known as an intimate, loving husband to my wife and a great "dad" to my kids. I want that to be reality, not just words. Second, I asked myself what purpose I'm fulfilling by blogging here. This question has bothered me for awhile, and I've never had a good enough answer -- so I ignored it. But right there on the street I talked to God honestly for a bit, got a sense of what I needed to do, and committed to stop blogging on this site. I'll continue to update the gallery, and I may post an update every month or so (mainly to point to new photos in the gallery). But I want to put the majority of time and energy that I have into the people who I see face to face (or talk to on the phone), because I think relationships are where it's really at. I wrote this in my journal today:

The Matrix is the Internet. The real world is the place where I live and breathe. And the only real relationships I have exist in the real world. The man I talked to right here (next to my table in Starbucks) yesterday, with his false front teeth, ill-health and honest smile, amounted to more relationship than all the "visits" recorded in my web stats.

I don't mean to discount the real people who read this site. To the ones I know, I'll be seeing you. :) To the others, thanks for stopping by and I hope you've found what you're looking for. You all have lives somewhere. I wish we could grab a cup of coffee (or better yet DO something) together.

So stop by once a month or so and you'll see some new things. Some people have asked specific questions about my life. I've mainly avoided those questions, thinking I'd gradually share more and more of myself. I was planning a long, personal post, but it will have to stay on the shelf. Bloggers can either reveal themselves slowly over time or dump everything in shocking doses. I have prefered to be the slow type. I'm not going to speed up now. But send me an email if you'd like and I'll respond -- to andy (a t) japanwindow.com Of course, if you know me, just ask.

Posted by jw at December 22, 2004 11:10 PM