Growing Up in Two Cultures & Too Many Places

My daughter went back to Japanese preschool today. It was hard getting her to leave the house after a 2 month break in the USA this summer. Later in the day, I asked if the teacher had talked about the "undoukai" (a big sports and fun day that preschools always have) coming up next month. She replied, "I didn't understand anything she was saying."

My daughter is asking a million questions and saying a lot of things lately that make me smile, but some of the things she's said have left us feeling bitter sweet. A couple of days ago she asked my wife, "Am I English or Japanese." My wife replied, "Both." I added that very few kids get to be both English AND Japanese, and it's very special. She liked that, but being "both" comes with it's own challenges, benefits and losses. Isn't four years old a bit young to start asking questions about your identity? Or so I thought.

We're not just adjusting to the new language and culture. We moved around and traveled so often during her first three years. Two weeks ago, we visited our first home in Japan, which is in Yokohama. We saw the apartment building where we used to live, walked through the Tokyu mall where we used to escape the heat, and saw the park where she learned to slide. That evening she announced that she wanted to move back to Yokohama. Then a couple of days ago she reversed course and said she doesn't want to move again (we bit our lips at that). But the kicker was yesterday, when she asked, "Were we just borrowing our apartment in Yokohama?" What a strange thought... She followed that with, "Where is my house? Do I have a house?" That's a tough question to hear as a parent, especially when your sitting in your living room.

My wife lived in the USA for four years during elementary school, then returned to Japan and went to a Japanese cramming school to catch up on all the Kanji and Japanese education she'd missed. After graduating from a Japanese university she returned to the USA for graduate study. She had an identity crisis or two along the way but weathered it all well. It's remarkable, actually. I hope my daughters will be so strong and that we'll prepare them well for what's in store.

Posted by jw at September 2, 2004 09:55 PM