Thanksgiving in Tokyo

Yesterday we celebrated Thanksgiving with several friends we've met in the past year since moving from Yokohama to Tokyo. Actually, all of them are connected with the Starbucks where I hang out so often (some are regular customers and others work there). We ate turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, gravy, creamed spinach, hot cider and pumpkin pie. It was good...and a lot of work. But I really like Thanksgiving and think it's worth an effort to do something like this once in awhile. My wife and I have a way of getting in over our heads though. Last year we narrowly averted disaster (caused an oven with a broken heat sensor). But we had a great meal with about 25 people, and it turned out to be a great time.

This year we faced another kind of obstacle. On Tuesday, all three kids and I were sick with colds. Every night this week we've been serenaded by the agonizing sounds of coughing kids. Wednesday one of the twins got an eye infection, so we took her to the doctor. That same night, both my older daughter and I came down with eye infections, too. The next day, I went to the dentist (another story). That evening I took our daughter with me to the doctor and we both came home with bags of medicine. Thursday I drove an hour and a half to Costco to buy a turkey (and pumpkin pie, etc). That night the other twin crawled into our bed crying and holding her ear. She went to the doctor on Friday and came home with medicine for her EAR infection. Finally, Friday night, our four year old daughter seemed to have a problem with her ear.

Yesterday morning I woke up, filled the sink with cold water and put the turkey inside (to finish thawing). My wife ran our daughter to the doctor at 10am, but she missed the chance to get in right away and came home instead. I put the turkey in the oven just after noon and then went shopping for the rest of the meal (looking at my watch the whole time). My wife tried to take our daughter to the doctor again in the afternoon and was told to come back after 5pm. Basically, she had her hands full all day dispensing medicine, comforting kids and running back and forth to the doctor. Most of our guests came by 4:oo, and a couple came earlier to help. I'll leave the frenzied details to your imagination, but we laid the food out on the table about 6:30, just as my wife walked in the door with my daughter (who had an acute ear infection in both ears). We took the pictures above and then ate and ate.

It occurs to me that Thanksgiving was much more relaxing when my mother did most of the work... I don't think we relaxed yesterday until about 7pm or so. But we learned some things, and I'm already thinking about next year. :)

All the kids (and I) are doing pretty well despite everything. Between us we have 4 colds, 3 eye infections and 3 ear infections. But amazingly they haven't been in much pain. The hardest part is going to the doctor and getting medicine in them. After everyone went home last night I watched Spiderman 2, went to bed late, and then slept in (and then on and off) until about 11:30.

The food was good. After the meal we got to hang out and talk with our friends and play some Jenga. I like Thanksgiving because it NOT as commercialized as other major US holidays. At least in my experience, it's always been about enjoying family and friends, and that's what we try to do. I was bummed that the events of the day pushed aside some of the time we could have spent hanging out talking.

By the way, the first picture above is a "re-creation" of the moment when I first put the turkey on the table. Everyone pulled out a cell phone or camera to take a picture. Imagine if you were invited to someone's house and they pulled something out of the oven you'd never seen before. I would get my camera. Anyway, this post is long enough. There are several more "on topic" things that I want to elaborate on later, so look for more posts in the next few days.

Family, Kids, Study, Trees in Japan

There are some interesting comments on my last post. I'll post a follow up soon, because I think it's important. Feel free to throw in your 2 cents (respectfully) in the mean time.

Do you save some of the best food for last when you eat? I'm like that with photos. When I like one, I don't post it right away. But sometimes I put photos aside for too long or completely forget them (like this entire gallery here).

Anyway, I really enjoyed meeting this family and getting to take photos of their two girls. The picture on the right is a classic "grab the cell phone and capture this moment" moment. Normally I don't ask about taking pictures in public places, but I did ask permission to take several shots of the girls at close range. You can see another picture of the older sister here. The father studied for a year in Boulder, Colorado, and now he's a rocket scientist. I love meeting such interesting people, but it's too bad when we live hours away from them...

I've been studying every day for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, so I'm tired every evening. When I study I often scribble in my text books to the consternation of my teacher. But I'm no match for this (way to go).

I also found a new blog that looks promising if this is any indication.

If you're interested development and the environment, see this blog by a guy who lived in Japan until recently (and now he's in Sweden). Yesterday I checked and this post and this post both intrigued me. He's posting some very nice pictures, too.

And from China, what's a lie?

Beyond the Shame

Someone posted this response to my last post:

"That is sick and disgusting! The family should not be able to heal; they should live with what they've done for the rest of their life. Also, a society that encourages this sort of treatment needs to take a good hard look in the mirror...."

I basically agree. When I used the word "healing" in my post, I intentionally put that in quotes to show the lack of real healing, at least so far. In addition to what I've written already, there are glimpses of hope in Japan. My heart is moved deeply when I see a parent in a public place, like a mall or a community event, pushing his/her handicapped child in a wheelchair. As a parent, I can imagine the anguish of seeing the one you love facing such an uphill road. Of wanting to give your child a good life. And what's a good life? I think a big part begins with interacting in the world and in relationships. We are made to love and connect. How hard it must be when people in public avert their eyes and pretend you (the disabled person or the parent with a disabled child) don't exist. The misguided motive in Japanese culture may be to prevent adding to your "shame." What a tragic and cruel mistake. Parents who take their disabled children out into the community and try to give them a chance at life are heroes. And I could say the same for many others who are struggling to break into society and force people to see and interact with them. But they shouldn't have to be so strong.

I do see disabled people in Japan moving about and working in public places. Not often, and it's with great effort, because it's so difficult to access transportation systems and buildings if you can't move about freely on your own. There are many places where you must ascend or descend long staircases, accessible bathrooms are scarce, and you'd better have your own water and food if you have trouble getting in and out of stores. Even the elevators (when you find one) are small with narrow openings. But again, you should see the link in my last post, which gives some degree of hope that a change may come. Remember that in the past 20-30 years the situation for people with disabilities (especially the mentally ill and mentally disabled) has gone from intolerably terrible to "much better" in the USA and Europe. I'm from the USA. The ink on the "Americans with Disabilities Act" is still wet. Americans are still arguing over whether they want to pay for the changes and endure the "inconveniences" to give people with disabilities a place in society. I know for a fact that you can still find people in the USA who've been locked up in rooms for years and even allowed to die in those conditions. I worked in the field for a few years, so I speak from experience. I personally reported parents and even employees under my supervision (employees I'd inherited and had the "pleasure" of firing) for different forms of abuse.

I don't mean to relativize the problems in Japan or the USA by saying this, but if you go to less developed countries I think you'll find conditions that would give you nightmares. Whatever culture you're from, people do evil things.

I wish this blog would instigate change in Japan on points like this. Maybe it will. Who knows who reads this. But more likely, as I share my perspectives on the people and culture of Japan, the result will be that readers will see themselves and their own cultures in the mirror. I think that's what happens -- when we take the focus off ourselves we tend to finally see ourselves more clearly.

One of my favorite sources of quotes is G.K. Chesterson. I love this story about him:

Earlier this century, there was a correspondence in The Times newspaper of London on this topic of what is wrong with the world. Various famous and learned writers voiced their opinions. But the last letter was also the shortest, and it brought the correspondence to an end. It was from G.K.Chesterton, the Catholic journalist. His letter simply said:

Dear Sir:
What is wrong with the world? I am.
Yours sincerely,
G.K.Chesterton"

(I borrowed the quote from this interesting article for anyone interested.)

Disability, Shame and Japan

The pictures above aren't related to what I'm about to write. A couple of girls taking a shotgun blast at being fashionable in Harajuku, and the nearby entrance to Meiji Jingu.

The Starbucks where I hang out has hired a new worker who is autistic. I've spent some time getting to know some of the crew and the store manager, and I like them. They're friendly, hard working and genuinely warm people. One of them told me they're all working a bit extra while the new girl gets used to the job. I think she meant that's something they want to do. All of this may not seem impressive at all, but from where I'm standing I was encouraged by what I saw. A small sign of hope in the face of a big problem. It's obvious if you live here and take notice that Japan is not a good place to be born with a disability. Anything that sets you apart from the group, especially that keeps you from working, is a source of shame -- both for you and your family. And you hide shame if you can. You still hear about families with a disabled son or daughter who has "never" (it's hard to believe) been allowed outside the house. These people become adults and the neighbors (sometimes even their relatives) don't know they exist. That's a terribly twisted tragedy. One of my wife's relatives had a son like that. He grew to adulthood and finally died without leaving the house more than a few times. More than a year passed after his death. The relatives knew he had died, but the family still hadn't told anyone. I'm sure they felt an excruciating dilemma about how to talk about the death of someone who they'd hidden for decades. Finally they did, and it was "healing" for the family (I guess) to finally talk this. But what about the man's life?

I realize I could write much, much more about shame and hiding in this society, but I'll leave it here for now.

Here's a great link though! On October 20 Karen Nakamura of Photoethnograpy.com attended a protest march in Tokyo. About 2000 people came and demonstrated to try and get the government's attention. They experienced mixed results, but these kinds of changes are an uphill struggle. Click here for her photo essay covering this event. It's well worth a read.

A Few More People Pictures in Japan

I wanted to post a few more pictures from the Undo Kai, and you can always visit the gallery to see more. You can figure most of these out yourself. The kids who are frozen into odd poses are playing a game similar to "Red Light, Green Light." But in this game they have to freeze into a pose when the person turns around. Posing -- ranging from kids throwing up quick peace signs for a picture to a TV host keeping up an elaborate flow of expressions and gesture while the host drolls on -- pervades Japanese culture.

That's something to write about another time... The kids you see running are carrying mock shrines (the real things are carried in festivals and said to house Shinto gods). These dummy shrines got dropped on the ground and basically abused. The participants are students who graduated the previous year. It's customary for them to return to one last Undo Kai and compete in a fun event. FYI, Japanese schools (unless they are run by a shrine or temple) usually don't include religious celebrations or rituals, but many cultural holidays and symbols in Japan have their origins in Buddhism or Shintoism and find their way -- in "watered down forms" into the schools. The same thing happens in the USA at Christmas, for example. Most Japanese are either secular (and view all these things are innocuous or simply cultural) or nominally Buddhist/Shinto (with overlap). My wife and I are not secular or Buddhist or Shinto but Christians trying to follow Jesus each day (really), and so we keep an eye on these things. Not tensely, but we probably wouldn't want our daughter to participate in an event that seemed to cross the line from purely cultural motions into a religious practice.

Well, finally, I've been wanting to show this picture of the mom returning home on her bicycle with three kids. Notice where the oldest child is sitting. This is nothing, really. I've seen moms riding with three kids plus shopping bags in the rain while holding umbrellas. Someday I'll get a picture of that.

Japanese Bentos and Moms

Here are some more pictures from the Undo Kai (Sports Day) that I wanted to highlight here. A couple of days before the weekend when most schools have their Undo Kai's we saw a TV program about mom's making bentos. A bento is basically a box lunch. Just about every Undo Kai has a lunch break, and when the bentos come out (apparently) some mother's want their family's to be the best. Ideal bentos have many small items, an array of colors and a balance of foods. And those who really go all out (like the mom's on TV) prepare it all from scratch. Now, this wasn't quite true in our case. Our bento consisted of little wieners, instant potato cakes, some simple onigiri and (for the climax) some fried pork chunks. It was all good; don't get me wrong. I walked around took pictures of a few families eating. These aren't "average" bentos, and I couldn't tell you what "average" looked like either. I naturally moved toward the groups with larger spreads. But you can get an idea of how bentos work. You can see similar scenes when families have picnics at the park (although then you'll just as likely see a barbecue grill and beers all around). The "funny" thing is that the Undo Kai was cancelled twice the previous weekend due to bad weather, so the ambitious (and just plain conscientious) moms (and dads? no...) woke up early and prepared these meals three times.

By the way, bentos are great. Kind of salty, but healthy and good to eat. When we returned to the US this past summer, I was amazed at how badly Americans eat. Now I never saw a pizza I didn't like (well, until I came here, but that's another story). Anyway, I don't eat much pizza and fast food here, but my body's thanking me for it.

On a disappointing note, I decided to erase a comment from my last post. The readers of this blog include many who I don't know from all over the world, plus a number of my neighbors and friends here in Japan. As much as I appreciate honest, real insights and feedback, I have no qualms erasing comments that I judge to be derogatory, stereotypical, mean spirted, cowardly, etc. Besides, there's already a place for that sort of thing here (sorry, but it's true).

Undo Kai Pictures and My New Gallery

Shooting 300 pictures at my daughter's Undo Kai really sent me for a loop. It takes time to...well, you don't want to know all of that. But I'll say this. After some consideration and searching, I changed the gallery section of this site in an effort to make it both better and easier to manage. I really like how it turned out, so please take a look and put up a link.

About the Undo Kai -- for starters, it was quite a bit less competitive than the U.S. presidential election! Wasn't that a day full of surprises!? But you're right, I don't want to go there.

The UNDO KAI attracted at least a couple hundred parents, relatives, neighbors and others who wandered in. To a string of cheezy tunes, the kids performed "taiso" exercises, staged fun relays, performed dances and ran races. I love people watching, so I was pointing my camera at the crowd almost half the time. I don't know if I learned any significant lessons about Japanese life or culture during the day, or maybe I've forgotten already. But I will say this: One of the keys to integration in a new culture is learning how to have fun in new ways (their ways). As my Japanese improves and our relationships grow I find this happening more and more.

I'll be posting more pictures from the Undo Kai in the coming days. But just so you know, you can view all of them NOW by visiting the gallery. I appreciate your comments here.